Death Sits on my Doorstep
by Star Rhapsody
Summary: [Oneshot] He will never let her go. The question in all of this is whether or not people truly die. He's lost his mind and given in to the scent of white plums to remind himself she is more alive than ever. [KenshinTomoe] [Slight KenshinKaoru] [Dark]


**AN:** A tribute to a couple who I am in love with…Tomoe and Kenshin. It doesn't serve them justice, but I figured I'd dedicate something to them anyways. I know it's probably OOC, but that's just the way it is. Drabble perhaps? I know the style is also a bit different from my other fics, for instance, I'm sure you noticed the first person style? Yeah, testing something there. Please keep in mind that this wasn't meant to be something good, or even decent. I know it's short, but believe me when I say this: Some of the sweetest things are in the smallest amounts. LONG note, I know. Sorry! 

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.

**Death Sits on my Doorstep**

It was impossible to forget her when all I saw was the ghostly image of her floating nearby. All it took was one look from those black, almond eyes. She had me by the nape of the neck, and I wasn't one to object. I needed her, I wanted her, but I just couldn't have her. Call me selfish, but I call it honesty.

"Kenshin…You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" Kaoru asked. "I can tell because you get that faraway look in your eyes." It was obvious that she'd become more and more perceptive. Who was I to deny the fact that I was thinking of her? I looked over at her, and I saw her blue eyes filled with sadness. Melancholy that could be seen.

I stood up from my spot on the steps, about ready to go finish the pile of laundry waiting to be hung. Kaoru suddenly spoke. "I know what it's like to miss someone too. When my father died, I was devastated. I felt like the whole world had stopped at that one horrible moment."

_But you don't know what it's like to be the one to kill._ I was almost surprised at the bitterness of my thoughts, especially directed to Kaoru, one who had seen me through many difficulties in my life. But I couldn't take that back—it was how I felt.

And I'm sick of walking around with this clueless, happy face. I know people can see right through it, yet I continue to keep up the charade. What's worse is knowing that Tomoe can see it too. Sometimes I can almost sense her frowning behind me back. I'm beginning to think that she doesn't want to be forgotten, and who am I to ignore? I'm a fool, and I deserve it.

I ignored Kaoru, knowing she was hurt after she tried to offer kindness to the one person who deserved far less. It was probably cutting her deep inside, but she was better off that way. I heard the door slide open and then slide shut as she went inside. I let out a deep breath, feeling slightly dizzy.

These were the times I feared most. When I could barely control my thoughts and emotions. It was when she became the most visible. I felt like I was actually talking to her live body. Then again, she probably never died in my mind.

As I stood there, frozen by the basket of laundry, I felt dizzy. The smell of white plums drifted through my nostrils, and it almost frightened me. She was right _here_. The smell was intoxicating. It was like some sort of drug, and I couldn't get enough of it. For some reason, my panic level began to decline, and I felt infinitely calmer.

"Don't leave me…" I whispered.

Only the wind responded. Suddenly, I felt deader than I ever have in my life. Sometimes I think I was never alive to begin with. And maybe I wasn't. I shook my head at the way I was acting. She had this sort of effect on me.

In one instant, I realized that I needed to go see Tomoe's grave more than anything. I couldn't think straight, and my mind wouldn't come back to reality. Seeing her grave was the only thing that could calm me down and let me feel at peace. It's funny how the smell of white plums came back in that instance. I smiled in that lost, bitter way. She was my personal hell, but I loved her more than anything.

It was evening when I arrived back home…It felt strange to say home, even after all this time. I began to get that feeling when something is off. The place seemed strangely quiet, in an eerie sort of way. As I neared the entrance, I saw two flowers laid on the floor. Studying them closer, I noticed one was a sprig of Jasmine flowers and the other…White Plums.

Chuckling was probably something a normal person wouldn't have done. Except I'm not normal. I am a walking disaster, a murderer disguised as a lamb. It doesn't have to be a sword that does the killing.

I knew though that those flowers had been left by Kaoru. Only she would be able to do something like this. And I suppose she knew I was the only one who was able to pick up something as subtle as this. My gut feeling told me I knew where she was. The only place that probably holds true meaning for us.

As I walked to the area where the fireflies glowed brightest, I knew this would be a different sort of farewell. It's funny how certain things seem to repeat themselves, each time more vicious. Kaoru was kneeling by the lake, her hand dipped in the cool water. She was beautiful, but I could feel Tomoe's presence.

"Kenshin," It was the only word she uttered, and it was enough to send me on edge.

"Kaoru…" Her name felt odd on my tongue.

"Kenshin…I know…That right now, you aren't the Kenshin I know. You're stuck in the past. I…I want you come back. I know you love Tomoe, and I know that's something that will never change. But the past is the past..."

She meant well, but she had it all wrong.

The past was the only place for me. Trying to live my life in a way that wasn't meant to be was nothing to me. I shook my head before I walked towards her. She looked up at me with those wide, blue eyes. Whatever was left of my weary heart broke right there. She knew it too. She knew things were different now.

"You're leaving." It was a simple statement. Not a question, not a thought…Just a mere fact.

I nodded slowly, unsure of what her actions would be.

Instead of an outburst, crying, or anger, she wrapped her arms around me in an embrace.

Her body felt stiff and awkward against mine, and I knew I couldn't handle it anymore.

Goodbyes were never my thing.

--

"Tomoe…"

"It's been awhile, hasn't it?"


End file.
